When we say feedback is a gift, we really mean it. Feedback can help us see strengths we didn’t know we had, overcome self-doubt, course correct, and tap into new aspirations. In fact, studies show people prefer to receive meaningful feedback—whether positive or corrective—versus no feedback at all.
Yet, we hear from managers again and again:
- “My org has a weak culture of feedback. How will people react if I initiate this?”
- “I’m worried about damaging relationships.”
- “I’m uncomfortable giving feedback.”
If this sounds familiar, we understand. Giving quality feedback takes practice and—let’s be honest—making peace with some things we can’t control, like how our feedback will land or where your organization is at.
There is a way forward. First, let’s mythbust.
Lie: Offering feedback will damage our relationship.
Giving (and receiving) feedback is an essential skill for managers. The question isn’t whether you do it, it’s how you do it. Feedback is an investment in your relationship when you offer it with care, consistency, and curiosity. When you give someone feedback, you’re saying, “I believe you can grow.” Avoiding feedback—especially when it’s related to performance—is more damaging in the long run.
You can use feedback to strengthen your relationships by:
- Being clear that you care about the other person.
- Focusing on outcomes or impacts, not the person’s character.
- Connecting and making time for questions (use our CSAW framework as a guide).
- Acknowledging any context that contributed to challenges, which includes owning your end of things.
- Making it a regular part of check-ins (and inviting staff feedback).
Truth: You can make feedback a priority, even when no one else does.
If feedback isn’t a feature of your organizational culture (yet!), you can still make it a feature of your relationships. As a manager, you can model quality feedback that is generative and grounded in care for people. You can also be authentic and honest as a co-learner with your team.
You might say, “I know we don’t have a strong culture of feedback yet, which can make it hard for us to be honest with each other about doing things differently. But, I want us to have a relationship where we can both learn and grow together. That means being clear and direct about what’s working and what’s not. What do you think of this? Is this something we can do together?”
Truth: Feedback can be uncomfortable, so dig into why.
While any feedback you share should focus on the work (not the personal), how we feel about feedback is always connected to our lived experiences, culture, identities, and communication styles. Meet any discomfort you have with curiosity. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself—and your staff:
- How does your upbringing, communication style, and past experience with feedback shape how you give and receive it?
- What norms around feedback do we default to at [organization name]? Where does your style and experience fit within that?
TMC is here to help you build a feedback culture (even if it’s just within your team) and strengthen relationships in the process.
If you’re looking for more ways to learn and practice feedback, check out the Related Resources below, or attend a training! Managing to Change the World can help you build strong relationships through check-ins, feedback, and effective delegation, and then Giving Feedback and Investing in People and Performance both help you dive deeper.